Jealousy- Lelouch X Reader

“S-sir?”
A meek voice echoed through the storage room, seeking the leader of the black knights.

Lelouch blinked from behind his mask and looked away from some paperwork, wondering who had confronted him.
Could it possibly be...?
Yes.
Of course it was.

There you stood, fiddling with your hair and cheeks tinged pink, avoiding eye contact with your leader. Yes, as much as Lelouch had tried to convince you otherwise,  you had become a member of the Black Knights.
‘The problem is that Lelouch had tried to tell her, and not “Zero”’ Lelouch thought, aggravated.

Lelouch recalled a particularly bad day in school; his identity was almost revealed by a mere cat, and after he had expended his energy into chasing the rotten animal, he nearly fell off of the school roof.

So when you told him about your intention to join the Black Knights, he was anything but happy.

Perhaps he had taken it a tad too far, because he could still remember how bitterly you had reacted after he told you to “get a hold of yourself;” that “a dangerous job like being a Black Knight was not meant for delusional fangirls like yourself.”
Looking back now, he wished he had just taken his anger elsewhere.

“What do you know about me,  Lelouch?” You snarled, stepping away from him.
“Just because you knew me since childhood doesn't mean that you can judge my feelings toward Zero! You have no right to call me delusional-”

“-Yes I do!” Lelouch narrowed his violet eyes, glaring a hole into your skull, “How can you say you love him if you've never even met him before? You’re risking your life for someone who will reject your feelings!”

He watched as you froze and cast your eyes downward, red flooded your cheeks.

“Yeah, Lelouch, is that what you think? That he's going to reject my feelings?” You ask, looking up at him, eyes shining with sorrow. “Well, that’s alright. He wouldn’t be the first time I was rejected, right?”
Lelouch’s eyes widened slightly in disbelief; were you still hung up about that?

"I'll be going now." You say, turning away from him.
He wanted to reach out and stop you, but he didn't. He couldn't.

He could lead an army and take down several nightmares with a single command, but he didn’t have the fortitude to stop a girl from leaving a room. Pathetic.

Footsteps.
Door.
"Click."
Then silence.

Lelouch heaved a small sigh behind his mask and turned his body to face you.
"What is it, soldier?"
You winced at his words and shifted uncomfortably, pink turning to red on your cheeks
"W-well, sir, I've been wondering about something..."
Lelouch's purple eyes watched your face turn varying shades of red, scowling.

Why didn't you act this way around him at school? Why did you blush and fidget in front of him now, when he was under a different name and a different life? Was the normal Lelouch missing something?!

No… You had done this, but not anymore.
Lelouch was touched. You had fallen for him twice, if that wasn’t love, then he didn’t know what was. Regrettably, he couldn’t accept your feelings, especially not here- not with this side of him.

"Uhm..." You diverted your gaze from him, instead deciding to stare at an empty crate. "I've been wondering why you call me 'soldier' all the time, sir."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow, which you couldn't see, of course.
"Are implying that you not one of my loyal soldiers?"

You quickly scrambled to defend yourself, "N-no sir! It's just that... That you call the other Black Knights by their real names, and- and-"
You bit your lip and looked down at your shoes, feeling quite stupid for bringing up such a mundane question.

"I'm sorry, sir. Never mind."

Your cheeks were lit aflame. You were talking to Zero one-on-one at last, but you had only made a fool of yourself. Why would he call you soldier? Because you were a soldier, of course! Such idiotic questions... What kind of answer were you anticipating?

"And you?"

You blinked stupidly, taken by surprise. "Huh? Me?"

Zero continued, standing up and leaning against a large crate next to him.  "Why do you call me 'sir,' and not Zero?"

He recalled how you said Zero's name in his presence at school. You spoke it with awe, respect, and sometimes, to his chagrin: love.

The name "Zero" never failed to pull compliments and praises from your lips- and although Lelouch should have been feeling pretty darn good about that- dammit all! That was not how it was supposed to be!
You were supposed to love him, Lelouch! Not his alter-ego!

He watched as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, tempting him to claim those lips as his.
How long has he been waiting for a kiss from you?
A week?
A month?
A year?
Goodness, who knew? He lost count a long time ago.
Ever since he had declinced your romantic advancements in school, he found himself getting interested in you as well- a bit more than he was comfortable with.

However, as anyone who was rejected would do, you were slowly getting over Lelouch. Unfortunately for the boy, your confesion had only ignited his interest in you- and it was swallowing him whole.
What had caused your fondness of him? Why would you approach him about such a trivial topic? You couldn’t have found out about his true identity, right?

At first, it was just these factual questions; nothing that would harm anyone. But in due time, he began wondering how you would react in certain situations.

What would she do if I told her that I liked her as well?

How would she react if I hugged her?

Held her hand?

Kissed her?

Soon, he found himself thinking of you whenever he was able to; whether it be in class, while doing his homework, or during Student Council meetings. His curiosity had developed into a near obsession- or dare he say, an attraction.

Lelouch had managed to suppress thoughts of you while he was with the Black Knights, and thank goodness for that. He couldn’t imagine the chaos that would ensue if you managed to worm your way into his mind, then.

But now…

There you stood, twiddling your fingers and chewing your goddamn lip in front of him.
Lelouch couldn’t deny it.
He wanted you, and he always got what he wanted… Just not like this. He didn’t want it like this.
He couldn’t have you interferring with his plans to destroy Britannia, and he definitely didn’t want you to love Zero.

In order to prevent any kind of intimacy between you and his alter-ego, he began referring to you as “soldier” instead of by your name. But damn it all to hell if it worked, because it didn’t.

Each time he called you “soldier”and you called him “sir,” the tension between you two would double, and triple, and exponentially rise, driving him to the brink of absolute madness.

You distanced yourself from Lelouch at school, and he knew that you were trying your best not to make things awkward between the two of you- he knew that you were trying to move on, but the more you pulled away from him, the less he wanted to let go.
What was there to move on from, if he loved you back?
Before he had a chance to recalculate his relationship with you, you had managed to slip out of his grasp… And right back in.

Unbeknownst to you, you had fallen head-over heels for the same person twice. But this time, oh, this time, it was so much stronger.
Your feelings of love, admiration and respect had mixed into one unidentifiable goop of emotion that was directed toward the leader of the Black Knights.
And as if the world wasn't enough of a paradox, Lelouch found himself jealous of… Himself.

His geass couldn’t help him here. He had sat down one day, completely weighed down by your flurry of emotions as well as his own.
He was desperate for the tensions between you two to stop, and although he was ashamed of it now, he had written out a list of commands he could use to make you love him, and not Zero.

Of course, it was in vain.
He was Zero, and Zero was him. They were one and the same person, no matter how much Lelouch wished it wasn’t true. A single command would either make you hate Lelouch and Zero, or worse- love both at the same time.

In the past month, Lelouch’s jumbled thoughts brewed faster and faster inside of his mind, whipping up into a horrible storm, and he had no one else to blame but you.

What in the hell had you done to him?

“That-” You say, yanking him out of his exasperating thoughts, “That would be inappropriate.”

Lelouch took a moment to recollect his thoughts. Oh, right. He had asked you a question.

“Tell me,” He said, his voice coming out raspily from behind his mask, “What makes you think that calling me ‘Zero’ would be inappropriate?”

“W-well,” You stuttered, “I’ve only known you for a year, sir.”

“A lot of things aren’t necessarily appropriate, are they?” Lelouch asked, ignoring your answer, “Because of their morals, humans cage themselves into a dead end. Wouldn't it be easier to forget them all and break free?”

Break free…

“I guess so…” You mumble, looking at your shoes modestly.

“_______,” Lelouch tasted your name on his tongue, enjoying the sweet, yet acerbic taste it left in his mouth, “You say you’ve known me, Zero, for a year, correct?”

You answered, surprised that he even knew your name. “Yes, sir- Erm, Zero…” You blushed upon saying the name, much to Lelouch’s distaste.
He ignored it. That’s all that he could do, for now.

Suddenly, you heard a loud “BAM!”
The sound was harsh, and it grated upon your ears, echoing within the closed space that both Zero and you had occupied.

You flinched and closed your eyes, preparing for the worst.
When nothing came, you pried your eyes open, stunned to see one of Zero’s arms against the wall next to you, caging your body with his.
With his other hand, he calmly pressed a button on the side of his mask.

You stood, bewildered and astonished as you heard the whirring of gears, signalling the retraction of the back of his mask.

“Z-Zero- what are you-!”

“Humor me, _______.” He cut you off,  “Is one year enough time to fall in love?”

Because I've known you my whole life...

“O-one year… One year can do a lot…” You gulped, watching as Zero adjusted his mask to show his mouth.

“Then, hell.” He whispered, leaning into your lips, “I must be completely infatuated.”